Agonotheta

Commitment vs. Interest Retention

December 23, 2003

Is it weird that I can't picture myself in a long-term relationship with anybody? Don't most people "see" themselves with somebody? At least in their mind even if it never comes to fruition?

Its not that I can't commit. When I have a girlfriend, she is the only thing I can think about. My mind is typically consumed by her and nothing else. The problem isn't the committal, but the length of time that my interest will be retained. I am an all or nothing person. I do something 100% or not at all. The problem with this is that I burn out over time. Eventually, the same thing gets very boring to me. In fact, the three longest relationships I have had lasted 18 months, 25 months, and 14 months. To me, these seem really weak. I mean, I'm 25 years-old. I should be mature enough to handle a relationship longer than two years, shouldn't I?

I know that I have broken up or stopped dating girls for reasons varying from the way she held my head (or the "headlock" as I used to call it) when we kissed to another girl who didn't touch me at all when we kissed (besides the mouth, of course).

What's the solution? I don't know. I know what you're thinking faithful reader, that maybe my Boredom Tolerance Meter will gain some endurance with maturity. But I'm not sure I want it to. Why should I have to accept boredom as an alternative to a fun life? Am I looking at this completely wrong? Please correct me if I am. You married and committal types, please correct where I've erred.

On a side note, I just heard a few days ago that the "wrestling" girlfriend had gotten married. I feel bad for that guy. He's going to be one sore puppy!