Agonotheta

Patience

March 01, 2004

My whole life, I have always had horrible patience. I remember being a bratty kid and throwing tantrums every time I had to wait for something I wanted. Today, its slightly different. Instead of throwing tantrums, I either A) do something myself (if thats even possible given the circumstances) or B) give up.

As an adult, I have found one area in my life that doesn't do well when I am impatient. That being dating and relationships. Because of my lack of patience, I tend to rush things along very quickly. This always has a couple of effects. I end up being involved with a woman that I don't know as well as I should considering the amount of affection I feel for her. That is where I find myself if she also moves fast. If she isn't comfortable or maybe too smart to allow her heart to take control that quickly, I usually end up getting frustrated and since I don't have that much control over the situation, I opt for Step B above.

Yes, I quit.

It's pretty stupid, I know. But I usually get so frustrated with "going slow" that I'd rather throw in the towel because it would be easier to push her completely out of my life even if that means possibly losing the best thing that could ever happen to me than to have to stand idly behind and wait for what may be.

Thats why I hate dating. I hate all the rules. I hate that common wisdom says you shouldn't call for a few days because you want her to want you even more. And supposedly that lack of contact does it. I know it works, but honestly, I'm interested in a woman who wants to spend as much time as possible with me. Someday I'll find a woman, the woman, who is ok with me immersing myself in her. She won't be afraid to take a chance on me. She won't know it, but I'll be worth it. And she'll be rewarded. As will I.

Is this too idealistic? Too fairy-tale-happily-ever-after? What do you think?