Agonotheta

Knots

March 21, 2006

A few months ago I met a beautiful woman. She moved here from the opposite side of the country. She was smart, articulate and kind. But in addition, she had an amazing sense of humor. She had the talent of making herself look silly to make one of her friends laugh. This struck me instantly because I've never met such a beautiful person who is willing to jeopardize her own image to bring joy to somebody else. Because of this, in my mind, she became unattainable. The perfect personality plus the perfect beauty equals the perfect girl.

For months I treated her like any girl that I wasn't interested in. I was friendly and fun, but didn't show her much attention, because I felt it would be in vain. But a little over a month ago, I started to see her in a different light. We had become close friends that shared mutual admiration and as time wore on, attraction. Friends began asking us if there was something going on between her and me. I always answered, "I don't think so."

Last night, we had a serious talk about where each of us stands. It was highly emotional, but very relaxed. You see, two days from now, she's returning home for six months. She loves it here very much and doesn't want to go. But for various reasons she must.

By the end of the conversation we committed to stay friends and continue communication while she is gone. I may even visit her and she may meet me in San Francisco for a friends wedding. We'll see.

I told her I'm going to take the initiative and call her often; to pursue her, if you will. She's not the type to do the chasing and I don’t want her to let her feelings wane. She doesn’t want to do the distance thing and I don’t blame her. It’s a tough situation that even I don’t want to do. But, as I told her, if something means that much you have to work at it.

It was a good conversation that probably should have left me feeling good. But my heart hurts today. Every day for the last month I’ve gotten a little sadder than the day before because I know she’s leaving. Tonight some friends are taking her out to dinner; one last hurrah. I’m invited, of course, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to take it. My stomach is in knots just thinking about it.